Disappointed.

I've got a lot of posts lined up right now, so I'm going to do them one by one (probably not, my mind jumps around a tonne and that's why I can't write essays well because I have trouble focussing sometimes).

Exams are finally over, so this post is going to be a sort of wrap-up about the horribleness we had to go through the past week.

I don't think I want to talk about it, but oh well. Let's get it out.

I'm not going to do well these exams.

Not even an "I think". Because it's fact, there and bare, naked and true.

I'm not going to do well. I can't do well. I don't see myself doing well.

Didn't finish the Physio paper because I didn't manage my time properly. Left five marks blank, and then hurried my blank MCQs by shading in 'C' for everything, and then I filled in the last two pages of questions in three minutes. It's not that I didn't know, you know, it's just that there wasn't enough time. I don't know if I should be bashing myself up for this, because I think a huge majority of us didn't finish the paper either, but it still kinda kills me inside. It was the only paper I thought I could do well in. I enjoy Physio and I understand it more than any other subject we've been taught this semester, and I thought yeah, if I had any shot at an A it would be this paper. But looks like that's down the drain and I was depressed for a while.

So then having learnt my lesson, I worked it for Mol Gen. Thought that even though everyone was afraid of it because it made absolutely no sense during lessons and that it was all new material we had to get used to and nobody really knew what the teachers wanted us to know, if I studied I'd at least manage. But then the paper happened and hardly any of us knew what was going on. Honestly, I didn't understand a thing. I'm mentally prepared to fail this paper.

Sometimes I get the feeling that it's not that I don't work hard enough, it's just that I'm not smart enough. Full stop. Maybe it's just not my thing. I'm not smart. It's sad. I honestly had never felt so demoralised over a paper than I was that day.

And it doesn't help either to hear (or see on Facebook) all the so-much-more-intelligent people discuss answers and throw in complicated terms you've never heard before and include other things that make you feel like you have the knowledge of a child compared to that of, say, Einstein.

Thankfully Chem was okay, so now my morale isn't so low. Although I'm not going to like, get full marks or anything (I know a couple of people who will, and I try hard not to be envious), but maybe just maybe I can scrape an A. Please.

So yeah, that was exam week. Time passes by really fast when you're working your ass off. Glad it's over, but then again I don't want to see my marks because I'm scared it'll make my failure a reality.

Sort of like a reinforcement of my stupidity.

Damn.